Every bad thing that happens to you is your fault.
Ok, that may not be an entirely true statement, yet it might as well be. When it comes to the ramifications of our actions, or even the actions of others in our lives; at the end of the day the person who has to deal with the fall out and aftermath is you.
I’m constantly amazed when my teenagers say, “but you don’t understand, it’s not my fault.” In their minds those words come to mean “I don’t have to deal with this mess.” We live in a society obsessed with blaming other people for our situations or lots in life. We often times feel as if we can pin the blame on somebody or something else that we are absolved from the consequences.
The reality is, regardless of whose fault it ends up being, you are the one who has to deal with the damage and chaos.
It may not be your fault that you were in a car accident, but your vehicle is totaled and your neck hurts, really, really badly. It may not be your fault that the County never sent you a tax bill, but if you don’t pay it they are going to turn you over to a collection agency who will get the original price and then some. It may not be your fault that you were raped, but you still have to deal with the physical, emotional and spiritual scars.
Having another entity to blame for our problems only serves to alleviate the pain emotionally, however that’s about all that it does (if it even does that).
A better perspective might be one of seeking to protect ourselves from bad decisions made by others and ourselves. There are a plethora of events outside our control, far too many to count. We can ill afford to mismanage the ones that we can control.
As cruel as it sounds we probably need to view every situation through the perspective of “how could I have dealt with that better?” or “how could I have avoided this?” We would need to think these ways regardless of the seething villain on the other end, real or imagined.
Trust me, nobody really cares that it’s not your fault. They only care about the solution.
At the end of the day the only person you can control is yourself.