Tag Archives: cheating

Your Spouse MUST have Access to all of Your Online Accounts

A few days ago I had an opportunity to teach a seminar on Social Media for a group of teenagers. I am constantly stymied at how the internet, along with all its tentacles of apps and connectivity, is plugging into our lives and bit by bit; piece by piece is taking over.

The smartphones that many of those teenagers own are almost the equivalent of that person’s soul being carried around outside their body, protected by an Otterbox case. If you think that I’m wrong try to take a cell phone off of a kid. One time when I had to confiscate a phone from a student who was abusing it, she ripped open the back of the pink envy phone, covered in sequins and glitter, pulled the battery out and put the shiny grey item down her pants so that nobody could access the deep recesses of her inner being……or her photo reel, while it was in the possession of adults.

As I was talking to the group I made many controversial statements (as is my custom) however one elicited a response that I wasn’t ready for.

When I firmly stated “In the future, when you get married, your spouse MUST have access to all of your social media accounts at ALL times” many of the middleschoolers mouths fell open in flagrant disbelief, as if I had asked them to cut off an arm or gouge out their right eye.

I have seen far too many marriage relationships get wrecked by old high school sweethearts who creep into their lives through late night messages, promising an escape from the mundanacity of monogamy and before they know it they are rendezvousing with their old flame in some seedy motel outside the view of the community, while their spouse rocks their newborn to sleep wondering how that business meeting went so very late.

A few days ago my wife and I got matching iPhones, an event that’s been long overdue. At the advice of a trusted friend we decided to share the same iTunes account and thus EVERYTHING on our smartphones. We share the same calendar and contacts. In the middle of the day, after iCloud has synced I am pleasantly surprised to find pictures of my boys playing on the couch together, or odd pictures of my Pug wearing wigs or glasses; pictures that I did not take. There is even an app that allows us to know where each other’s phone is on a digital map at all times of the day or night, just by clicking a button.

Somebody told me that this was creepy; I however believe that it’s how things ought be in married life.

If I need to hide it from my wife, I shouldn’t be doing it.

We are one flesh in the eyes of God; it would do us well to live as such online as well.


Valentine’s Day is Over

The roses have wilted.  The exorbitantly overpriced chocolate covered strawberries have been devoured. Little pieces of pink, white and red paper are strewn all over the house left in the wake of another Valentine’s Day now passed.  It was 10 years ago on Friday that I took my wife out on our very first date. I find it difficult to remember life without her, as if she was always there.  My youthful memories have edited her into themselves, knitting her into the tapestry of my story, as if she was my first crush in grade school, as if she was my first kiss, a kind voice in junior high, a safe place in the midst of a storm; her mystical blue eyes appearing at every turn.  She may not have always been there, but I wish she was.

If she was ever in danger, ever physically threatened by any thuggish brute, you must know that I would rip and tear, giving every ounce within me (and then some more) to fight for her.  I would never give up until I was dead or she was safe.  Give me a villain and I would gladly take up the sword to protect my queen.

But life rarely works that way anymore.  The ravaging raiders have become more civilized, donning business suits and residing in the land of Wall Street.  The dragons have been vanquished and the aliens haven’t arrived yet.  There really aren’t many visible villains to vanquish these days.

Many times I can become complacent, apathetic and uncertain.  The sexy promises made concerning marriage and raising a family have dimmed significantly.  There are diapers to change, bills to pay and unbelievable amounts of stress hiding around every corner.

Apathy sets in.  We take our eyes off the prize, our minds drift from our dreams and we set our swords down because Valentine’s Day is over yet again.

We have come to believe that we are safe; that the little battles really don’t mean all that much.  Life gets hard and we retreat to fantasy worlds, reminiscing about times that were never really that grand; dreaming of grass well beyond the boundaries of our boring white picket fence.

The greys set in as the color retreats, surrenders and dies with a whimper.

And then the real villains appear.  The dragons, goblins and orcs arise but this time they aren’t contained within a screen, peering into the World of Warcraft.  They are far nastier than fantasy, more nefarious than myth.  They are lonely men looking for conquest and another thrill. They swoop in with an errant friend request on Facebook, a “helpful” text at 3am, a listening ear, a bigger bank account than yours and a really nice motorcycle/boat/lakehouse.

Before you know it he’s in your castle.  He’s stolen your queen and he’s driving your kids to soccer practice.  They call him “daddy” now……


I can’t speak for you but I am a jealous husband; I was taught to be such by a jealous God.  I am not ok with my wife being wooed by another. I do not want her to find fulfillment in any other. I am not ok with a broken family.  I hate the idea of divorce as much as God does.

FIGHT! Take out the garbage, help out with the laundry, change some diapers, clean up some vomit, skip out on a few “guys nights” to help put the kids to bed, work hard to provide, put down the controller, listen when she needs to vent and stop trying to fix everything!  Pray FOR your wife. Pray WITH your wife.  Love your wife and fight for your wife as if HER life depended on it!

There is a thuggish brute that you are battling against; you see his reflection in the mirror every morning before you head off to work.

You were never promised a fairytale ending.

You were promised thorns and thistles and……a sword.

Get hacking.